Frustrations and Faith

So after hearing back from my doctor that she couldn't find anything wrong with me, the frustration set in. I feel like I have been going non stop for the past year and a half working so hard to find out why my body has freaked out and done what it has done. I thought for sure that this doctor would have the answers. She is considered the best in her field in the state of Texas. She comes highly recommended and every doctor prior to her said wonderful things about her abilities to take the hardest cases and solve them. So I was stoked when I went to see her. I just knew for sure that this is where I needed to be. But...nothing. Still no answers. So the frustration and thought of just throwing in the towel consumed my thoughts. I was done..no more. At that moment, prayer was far from my thoughts. I was mad, angry and upset.

Now onto the faith part. I have been attending a weekly Bible study at my church. We are doing Beth Moore's "Believing God." I have a great group of women in my small group. I told them about my troubles and like many people that are apart of my life, they have been praying for me, even when I haven't been! So we are on week 3 of the study. The name of the study is "Believing God can do what He says He can do." Day twos study is "All Shapes and Sizes." This weeks study talks about miracles. She talked about the many miracles God performed both in the New and Old Testament. She talked about the miracles she had seen in her own life and asked us to talk about the ones we have seen in our own life. I know God is powerful and He has done many wonderful things to people in my life. Take my grandmother for example. This past week they thought she might have cancer located in her chest. They went to do a biopsy and came out saying the spot was gone. That is a miracle! So while I was working through the second day of the study I started to think about what was going on with me. Now I want to point out that I'm not asking God for a miracle, but I'm also not saying that God wouldn't be willing to perform one for me as well. A few things throught the study hit me hard. I'll list a few of these statements Beth made in this study:

*God is pleased when we exercise faith
*God reads every petition we make on the tablets of our hearts
*Sometimes God may priorititze the faith required to continue trusting Him when we don't get what we ask over the faith required to receive it.
*We live in a fallen world where every human being suffers to some extent
*Our suffering need never be in vain. As we allow God to minister to us in our fiery trails, He is glorified, the church is edified, and we are qualified for greater reward.
*You can't lose when you earnestly seek God. Even if you don't find the answer, you find the Author


So after reading what Beth had to say I was like WOW. All of this time I have been so consumed with what the doctors had to say. My frustration has taken over and instead of giving it fully to God, I have put my fate in other's hands. The last statement: You can't lose when you earnestly seek God. Even if you don't find the answer, you find the Author. How true is that?!? I have so wanted an answer and instead of looking to God and realizing that through all of this, answers might not have been given, but because of what has been going on, I have found the Author and I wouldn't change that.

I know that I have a long road ahead still. Answers will come when God knows I am truley ready to hear them. I just need to let go and let God and trust that my suffering is never in vain and that sometimes God may priorititze the faith required to continue trusting Him when I don't get what I ask over the faith required to receive it. God nows the petetion I have on my heart and who's hands are better to have them in?

To end, Beth had us read Psalms 146 in the first person, as if we were the one saying it. When I did this, I broke into tears. It was so powerful and so true and just reminded me how wonderful a God I have in my life and how that I am so blessed that He chose to love me! Here is the verse. Try reading it in first person..it's amazing!!!


Psalms 146:

Praise the LORD!
Praise the LORD, O my soul!
I will praise the LORD as long as I live!
I will sing praises to my God as long as I exist!
Do not trust in princess, or in human beings, who cannot deliever!
Their life's breath departs, they return to the ground; on that day their plans die.
How happy is the one whose helper is the God of Jacob,
whose hope is in the LORD his God,
the one who made heaven and earth,
the sea, and all that is in them,
who remains forever faithful,
vindicates the oppressed,
and gives food to the hungry.
The LORD releases the imprisoned.
The LORD gives sight to the blind.
The LORD lifts up all who are bent over.
The LORD loves the godly.
The LORD protects those residing outside their native land;
he lifts up the fatherless and the widow,
but he opposes the wicked.
The LORD rules forever,
your God, O Zion, throughout the generation to come!
Praise the LORD!


Have a wonderful week!